They said I would be changed in my body. I would move through the physical world in a different manner. I would hold myself in a different
posture. I would have pains where there was no blood. I would react to sights, sounds, scents, movement, and touch in a crazy way, as though I were
back in the war.
They said I would be wounded in my thoughts. I would forget how to
trust, and think that others were trying to harm me. I would see danger in
the kindness and concern of my relatives and others. Most of all, I would
not be able to think in a reasonable manner, and it would seem that everyone
else was crazy. They told me that it would appear to me that I was alone
and lost even in the midst of people, that there was no one else like me.
They warned me that it would be as though my emotions were locked
up and that I would be cold in my heart and not remember the ways of
caring for others. While I might give soft meat or blankets to the elders or
food to the children, I would be unable to feel the goodness of these
actions. I would do these things out of habit and not from caring. They
predicted that I would be ruled by dark anger and that I might do harm
to others without plan or intention.
They knew that my spirit would be wounded. They said I would be
lonely and that I would find no comfort in family, friends, elders, or spirits.
That I would feel deserted and abandoned by the same. I would be cut
off from both beauty and pain. My dreams and visions would be dark, frightening, and unending. My days and nights would be filled with searching
and finding. I would be unable to find connections between the rest
of creation and myself. My isolation would be a way of dealing with my loneliness. That I would look forward to an early death.
And , I would need cleansing and healing in all these things.
Author "Unknown Native American" VietNam Veteran!
CAPPY
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